Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
