So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
