I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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