hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
