you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
