It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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