I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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