bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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