I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
