why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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