it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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