it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
