Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
