i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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