you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
