I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
All the doctor said was why
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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