East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
