Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
True but thats because hes a fetus.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
no you cant smoke seaweed
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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