Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
