she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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