I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
