So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
