if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
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