walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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