And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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