Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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