Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
