I'm pants shitting drunk right now
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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