my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
