i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
