At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i think i have herpe
just one?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
