dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
