the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
