Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
