The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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