Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
