my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
