the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
