I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
