That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
