so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i've created a new STD.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
