you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
that is very illegal...i love you.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
