Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
