If i come over, it means nothing
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
