Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
