I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
