cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
