She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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