Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
