when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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