I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
